


Panic! At The Disco

by Summerwolf



Series: Whumptober 2020 [18]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A slight..., Ambiguous/Open Ending, And so did pretty much everyone else..., Angst, But Tony Did, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Dead Tony Stark, Depression, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, IS Everyone Here That Good At Ignoring Canon?, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Peter Never Died, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sad Peter Parker, That isn't a tag...?, This made me sad..., What Was I Thinking?, Whump, Whumptober 2020, and i wrote it, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27087445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Summerwolf/pseuds/Summerwolf
Summary: Whumptober day 18 - Panic Attacks.---Peter walked slowly as he left school, not feeling the same desperate need to be free as every other person his age seemed to have. He had, once upon a time, felt the same. He had rushed out of school as soon as he'd been allowed, laughing and joking with his friends before he piled into the back of a large black car and pretended he wasn't heading to one of the most exciting tower blocks in their city. He had laughed and smiled and loved life and even though he hadn't realised it back then, everything had been perfect.Nothing was perfect anymore.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Whumptober 2020 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946926
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Panic! At The Disco

Peter walked slowly as he left school, not feeling the same desperate need to be free as every other person his age seemed to have. He had, once upon a time, felt the same. He had rushed out of school as soon as he'd been allowed, laughing and joking with his friends before he piled into the back of a large black car and pretended he wasn't heading to one of the most exciting tower blocks in their city. He had laughed and smiled and loved life and even though he hadn't realised it back then, everything had been perfect.

Nothing was perfect anymore.

He still had to go to school. Of course he did. They had given the survivors six months off as everyone had scrambled to remember how to live, but when nothing seemed like it was going to change back, they had tried to resume normal life. No one knew what Peter had seen, no one knew where he had been, and that was how it had to stay, if he was to stay safe.

To the world he was just one more traumatised teen whose friends and family had disintegrated during the snap.

To the select few survivors who knew, he was so much more. He was Spiderman. He was the traumatised teen who had helplessly watched as they lost against Thanos. He was the one who watched his father figure dissolve right in front of him, only to then drift helplessly in space for what felt like forever, and then return home to find that his aunt, his friends, almost everyone he cared about had gone as well.

He was alone now. And no one but the Avengers - who were too busy trying to figure out where to go next to worry about Peter - knew the full story.

The school was pretty empty by the time Peter arrived at the front of it, dragging his feet. He had nowhere to go, even if it was a Friday evening. Just an empty apartment filled with memories, and endless nightmares.

He had never expected to want to be at school. He'd never hated it, but weekends were still the highlight of his week and he was never particularly enthusiastic, always wanting to just get away at the end of the day.

Now school was the only thing keeping him grounded in reality. The only time he really saw any human beings, and the only time he could keep busy enough to ignore the crippling loneliness which pressed on him at all hours of the day.

Peter didn't really notice the walk home, the burning in his legs was like a background noise, just added into the rest of the pain Peter felt at all times and promptly lost underneath everything else. He was sure the city was busy, even with half the population lost it was still loud and bustling, especially two years on, but that also faded into the background, the only thing filling Peter's head was all consuming emptiness and the high pitched buzzing which always started when things were too quiet. Peter's life was always too quiet, and by now it was pretty much his only friend.

\---

_ "Tony, there was no other way," Dr Strange said, his eyes sad moments before he turned to dust. Peter had no idea what was going on, but all he could assume was that Thanos had won. That this was what Thanos had wanted all this time. _

_ Mantis had been first to go, first they had seen anyway, then Drax and Quill and Strange, and now Peter and Tony were watching each other, wide eyed as they wondered if they had been the lucky ones - or the unlucky ones - who survived. _

_ Peter noticed it first. "Mr Stark? Mr Stark are you okay?" He had been able to see what was going on from the get go, there was no other explanation for the dusty sheen Toby was already getting, but he'd been in denial, unable to believe he could be left alone. _

_ "I'm alright," Tony had promised, a lie if Peter had ever heard one. _

_ "I don't want you to go," Peter sobbed, grabbing onto Tony as tightly as he could as though he might be able to hold him together with sheer will power. "Please don't go, don't leave me." _

_ They toppled to the floor, Tony unable to keep them both upright any longer as the strength started to leave his legs. He was clinging onto life as hard as he could, Peter could clearly see that, but he could also see it wasn't enough. Tony was going, and neither one of them could stop it. _

_ "I'm sorry," Peter muttered, his eyes stinging with tears as Tony drifted away, leaving nothing but a pile of ash behind, and Peter alone. _

_ A sound above him drew his attention to his left, shoes standing just in his periphery reminding him of the only other person left in the planet, the only other person that Peter knew for sure had survived. _

_ Nebula was still there, still standing, a dazed look in her eyes. "He did it." she whispered, her voice as empty as Peter felt as he brokenly stared off into the distance, tears starting to streak down his face. _

\---

Peter woke with a gasp, real tears streaming down his face instead of just dream ones. He was shaking, his breaths too shallow and too quick to get enough air into his lungs. The images of his dream flashed behind his eyes, and he wished that dreams were all they were.

But no.

It was real and now Peter was alone, a silent apartment, no one's heartbeat filling the space except his own too fast one.

He felt dizzy, his vision blurry, but he couldn't stop himself, couldn't stop the panic which filled him when he remembered what happened, couldn't stop the panic when he remembered that he was alone.

It wasn't a rare occurrence, happened pretty much every night nowadays, as well as a few times during the day, though they were less common. It was easier to forget the pain of everything that had happened when there was the light of day and the peace of routine to get lost in.

Peter counted to ten, tried all the tactics Tony had ever taught him to deal with panic attacks, even though using them just made him think of Tony and made everything just a little bit worse.

He had to keep moving, just one day at a time, drifting endlessly. Tomorrow he would visit the Avenger's tower - or whatever they had taken to calling it these last few years - he would talk to those remaining and see if they were any closer to a plan to bring everyone back.

Peter wanted to help, and he would give his life to do it, if that was what it took.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!  
> I hope you have a good week!!!


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